The F Word

I am in a funk. A big one. I have no idea why and there is no reason! I live in a beautiful place. I am expecting our first child in November. There is over 19 hours of sunshine around here this time of year. I have lots of great friends. I can just keep listing positive things.

I do miss Aaron. He is only gone for a few more weeks at training. I have been through a 16 month deployment before this is nothing. But still I miss my best friend.

I have been busy finding stuff for the nursery. It is all sitting in the middle of the room. The painting has to be done first of course. And then when Aaron gets home he gets to assemble it all. Isn't that a new dad's right of passage or something?!

Maybe I just need to get out an explore. I miss taking pictures. I am indeed in a funk but I promise to kick my butt out of it soon! I miss writing on here.

Can I sleep the time away? Please?!

I got an e-mail from Aaron today. That in itself isn't unusual but before he said good bye this sentence caught my eye: 'See you in less than a week!' Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I am turning into a Jr. high love struck nut case! I feel like dancing around the living room doing the dance of joy. And maybe I did, but you will never know!

Soon my love, soon!

Making Calls

I haven't been up to much lately. I am basically just counting the days away until Aaron gets home. I borderline can't stand it! I am so excited! There have been planes bringing in the guys from the 4-25th for a few weeks now. I help out with the Family Readiness Group for our Battery. So when a new plane comes in, if there is someone from 2-377 HHB we call their spouse and let them know that their hubby/wife is on the way back to AK. It is so awesome to hear the excitement in their voices. Am I jealous? Maybe just a little but knowing that one more soldier is home safe and sound with their families makes it worth it!

Almost to the finish line!

Don't wink at me...please!

I had the unfortunate privilege of meeting a creepy winker today at Wally World. He wanted to cut in line ahead of me to buy a pack of cigarettes. So instead of just asking politely he felt the need to wink at me at the beginning of the question, during the question (awaiting my response) and at the end (when I am sure he was claiming victory in his mind).

Little did he know, I let him go ahead of me so I could get rid of him as soon as possible. Creepy. Straight up creepy. I wish I would have yelled as he was walking away, "You're not that cool!" but I didn't feel like being rude. At least not out loud.

Why do guys do this? Do they think flirting will give them a pass for anything? If you are a man reading this please take this advice to heart...don't wink at people to get your way! It is weird. And you might think I am just getting old but I didn't like it when I enjoyed being the center of a flirting mans attention.

I was interested to read people's opinions of this winking madness. CLICK HERE to see what I found.

The part of the articles I found funny was when they said this:

"And most women have never complained and would never do because of the immediate feelings they catch from this mere, one-eyed appreciation."

Ha ha ha! They obviously have never asked me! So why am I rambling about this? I have no great reason other than knowing some man out there thinks he beat me with a mere wink. Ugh. Never again!

Random Pics

Sorry I haven't been doing a good job updating my bog. I have just been feeling kind of blah lately. I am missing my babe and the holiday season isn't helping. I have been busy but I didn't figure you wanted to see pics of me Christmas shopping or hanging out with friends watching movies. I really need to get out and get you some more pics of snowy AK. I promise I will, it is just a little difficult when the sun starts to go down around 3:00 pm.

I will shake myself out of this funk soon! Until I find some fun stuff to post, here are some random pics and some ramblings.

A snowy day in AK. Surprisingly, we haven't gotten a lot of snow yet this year. I am going to regret saying that I have a feeling. One think I really like about the snow around here is that it stays on the trees longer. There isn't a lot of wind so the trees stay covered for days. It really gives you a sense of a winter wonderland.

My new, unconventional Christmas table centerpiece. Do you recognize it? I can give you a hint: That is Linus's blanket around the bottom. I love it!

Do you see what I see? :)

Boone must have been feeling very protective of his Kong at this moment. He sat there for quite awhile with it snuggled by his side. Silly dog!

Random things you probably don't care about...

I feel like I haven't been up to much. At least not anything I feel you guys would be interested in. But then I thought, the beauty of having a blog means I can write what I want whether you like reading it or not. :)

So here goes nothing really interesting...

*I feel like the best way to relieve stress is to have a good cry.
*I am still trying to figure out my talent.
*I miss my old apartment above the funeral home garage. Although, there is no way Aaron and I would fit.
*I want to make God proud of me.
*I am surrounded by people who love me yet sometimes I feel alone.
*My dog sneaks behind my back and eats my paper towels/napkins. I don't know until the evidence is in the back yard.
*Who thought to put honey and mustard together? It is seriously disturbing to me.
*I couldn't wait to leave Shinglehouse yet I miss that place and the people in it.
*I wonder if my cousin Amanda is hanging out with my grandparents in heaven.
*I didn't rake one leaf this year and I don't feel bad about it.
*I don't understand hate and never want too.
*I think Nerds are the best candy ever made.
*I have a lot of great craft ideas yet never follow through with the project.
*I own no shoes I love except my slippers.
*I am awed/inspired by nature yet do nothing with my inspiration.
*Some weekends I sit in my bath robe for many hours.
*I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
*I think being an Army wife is hard, really hard but I am grateful and honored to be one.
*I rarely toast my poptarts.
*I feel most at home at my Aunt Sally's house.
*I am so proud of Aaron that some days I feel like I don't deserve him.
*If I could live and not turn into a crazy person I would replace sleep with reading.
*I would eat lunch everyday if I could have a picnic.
*I checked out cartoon movies from the library Friday because I felt like a cartoon weekend.
*I would love to get into an RV and go to ever crazy tourist site in the US.

No more rambling tonight. I am off to watch Mulan II...

Dear Darkness...

I'm not quite sure how I feel about us seeing so much of each other. I have a feeling in the long run it will not be good for our relationship. I know how much you love to show yourself but really...do you need to stay until 10 AM? Can't we compromise on this? It doesn't always have to be about you! Seriously, it is creepy to drive to work when it is as dark as midnight.

I know you let the sun have it's time but honestly a few hours is not really being all that generous. I feel like you could give a little more and to be fair. And do you miss me so much you are back by 6 PM? I am not going anywhere. We have all the time in the world to be together.

Please don't make me resent you! Try and work things out with me. There has to be a happy medium because if not, I am afraid our relationship will be in jeopardy.

Please take what I have said to heart. I don't want to hurt your feelings. I will try and see your side of things as well but don't make me start praying for sunny days already.

Patiently awaiting your response,
Jackie :)

Can you see it?

I took this picture in a parking lot. I was parked there visiting the Botanical Garden a week or so ago. I didn't want to post it with the flower pictures because it didn't seem to fit right. But after thinking about the idea, I thought this picture deserved its own post.

I wasn't always a person who appreciated her surroundings. I even to this day I have moments where I let scenery fly by without even glancing at it.

One of the cool things about having a soldier for a husband is being transferred to different places I wouldn't have been fortunate enough to see other wise. I saw a lot of beautiful horses and horse ranches in KY. I loved visiting the lighthouses in ME. I enjoyed visiting Bolt Castle and seeing the Thousand Islands in NY. But I have to tell you, AK is the most beautiful place I have been yet. There is beauty EVERYWHERE! OK, so maybe not in downtown Anchorage but the mountains surrounding it are magnificent.

I am trying to take in everything. We won't be here forever so I want to see all the beauty and maybe take a few pics along the way. You may not live in AK but I assure you there is beauty all around you. Can you see it?

Can you see all the shades of green that surround you in the summer? Can you see the beauty in the light shining through your windows. Can you see the tiny little flowers on the side of the road fighting through the grass? Can you see the beauty in the smile of your child with the chocolate mess all over their face?

Take a few extra minutes out of your day to SEE the BEAUTY around you not just drive or walk by it. I guarantee you won't be disappointed. And thanks for whoever took the time to write this on a random curb! What a simple yet poignant idea.

Note to Self

Dear Jackie,

What are you thinking? You are not 18 anymore. You cannot drink a soda at 8 o'clock at night and expect to get a decent nights sleep. I hope this tossing and turning all night has taught you a lesson.

Regards,

Your 32 year old self

Silence Is Nerve Wracking

We have been getting a lot of snow up here in Maine. It is gorgeous up here when it snows and that part I love. But since we have lived here, the electric has gone out 3 times. I will be the first to admit it, I take electricity for granted! I love electricity.

Sunday night, the electric went out again right before we went to sleep. You may be thinking that 'it would be nice to sleep through the blackout' but that is not the case for me. I need noise. Fan. Heater. Anything. I can't sleep in silence. Silence is too nerve wracking for me to sleep through.

I don't know why the silence bothered me so much. I don't think watching the TV shows I like help much. I love watching Criminal Minds, Cold Case, etc... The fan makes the little sounds go unnoticed and without the fan they are amplified. As Aaron slept the night away, I was convincing myself someone was coming up the stairs to get me.

The electric did come on Monday around 2:00 pm. And as of this morning there are still 15,000 people in Brunswick without electricity. Thank goodness we are not one of those homes. I don't think my nerves could take it!

What is going on?

Is it just me or are people getting ruder by the day? It has been happening for awhile and I have tried not complain about it but it is really getting on my nerves! I am a 'hi' person. I say 'hi' or 'hello' to just about everyone that passes me during the day. I say 'hello' whether people looked happy, sad, annoyed, etc... I don't know why I do it, I just do it. I have always done it. I think to myself, I like when people (in the past) say 'hi' to me. It makes me smile and forces me to stop thinking about me for a few seconds and focus on a friend, stranger, or co-worker. I like it so I guess I figure other people like it too. Not so much around here.

For months now, I have been passing people on the street, smiling at them and giving them my smiles and hellos. And I would bet my whole container of hot cocoa (which I love) that only 25% of the people have responded back to me. I am not asking for time out of their day just a hello, head nod or smile in return. But more times than not I get nothing. There have been a bunch of times when I have even gotten a dirty look.

What is going on in this world that people can't take a second to respond to someone who is trying to be nice and make their day a little brighter? I just don't get it. I almost fell the other day going to the post office trying to get out of the way so a little old lady wouldn't have to walk in the snow. I said 'hello' and I didn't get as much as a nod.

Am I being selfish? Is this too much to ask for? I don't know. All I know is that I will continue my quest of 'hellos'/smiles and maybe it will be contagious to someone, someday.

The Phrase

Today, for about the 15^th time since I have been married, I have heard the phrase “Oh, you are newlyweds…” The response was most recently spoken after someone asked me question “How long have you been married?” and I responded “3 ½ years."

The phrase “Oh, you are newlyweds” always seems to be spoken with a sense of superiority, a hint of condescension and a twinge of jealousy. Why do people feel the need to utter this phrase? I have no idea. Are they trying to prepare me by letting me know marriage is full of ups and downs? This, I have already found out. In the 3 ½ years since Aaron and I have been married we have moved 3 times to 3 different states. We have been apart for 16 months during his deployment. And countless other times for Army training. I spent a year on dialysis before I received a kidney transplant. Aaron spent every day of the 10 days at the hospital after the transplant and was my nurse when we got home.

What I have learned so far in my 3 ½ short years of marriage is that life is hard marriage has not been. Life has thrown us challenges that could break up any marriage but our marriage is stronger for it. After being married for 3 ½ short years. I can say without a doubt that Aaron is my best friend and the perfect husband for me. We have faced challenges head on together and will continue to do so throughout our life together.

Am I naive to think that marriage is easy? Not a chance. I know it’s hard. I am a product of a few divorces. I have seen almost ended marriages and have seen the toll life can take on a marriage. I know life will continue to challenge us and throw roadblocks at us but instead of dreading our years to come, I am excited to see what they have in store for us and how we will face these challenges together.

I don’t know if these people are trying to tell me that once the ‘newlywed’ period ends that things go downhill. I hope not. I hope not for their sakes. If so, what do they have to look forward too? Do they really think they best years of marriage are behind them? What an awful thought. And I hope this is not the case for them.

I have decided that when people are talking about their wedding, or talking about how much fun they have with their husband, or how much they love being married (These are the things I have said that prompt them to ask how long I have been married.) that my response will be “Oh, your newlyweds… marriage will only get better!” I don't want to start them off in their life together with negative words. I am sure (as I will learn in life) they will need all the positivity around them they can get.

I am sure some of you are reading this thinking the same thing I am writing about “Oh, she is just a newlywed, she has no idea what she is in for” but I hope not. I hope not for your sake.

My best friend and I just 3 1/2 short years ago.