After the goodbye...

Believe it or not, the goodbye is the easiest part of deployment. Don't get me wrong. I had tears flowing! I may or may not have had a breakdown two days ago and sobbed like a kid. I won't cop to it. I hate crying.

After the goodbye, the loneliness sets in for me. I come back to the house and I know it won't be full until he is back. This year, I have Kinley. I am hoping this helps me focus and hopefully helps time go a little faster. The past two deployments I had my trusted buddy, Boone. He may not have been able to talk back but just having him in the house made all the difference. I am sad to face this deployment without him. I am very thankful to have AK friends to help through this lonely time. But Aaron is my best friend. I need him.

After the goodbye, fear sets in for me. The fear that our goodbye may have been our last. I really try not to dwell on the idea but fear is a powerful thing. Some days are worse than others. Days before he leaves I start trying to make metal notes. Mental notes about his voice, facial expressions, mannerisms, etc... Anything and everything I can soak up about him. And months before, I start taking a lot of pictures and videos. I am sure it annoys Aaron. But if anything ever happens and he doesn't come home, I want to be able to see and hear him until the day we meet again.

After the goodbye, the memories set in for me. I don't know if it is a blessing or a curse to have gone through multiple deployments. No two deployments are the same, I know this but I have some unpleasant memories from our first deployment. They are always in the back of my mind.

And finally, after the goodbye, guilt sets in for me. Aaron has always been by my side when I needed him. He has been an amazing support system. When I hurt, he was there. When I needed someone to tell me things were going to be OK, he was there. He always manages to make a crappy situation better. I feel guilty I can't be there to support him. I know I can write letters and send packages but that doesn't seem like enough. War is dangerous. War is nasty. War is ugly. I hate that I can't be there to help him through it. To hug him and tell him that everything is going to be OK. I hate that he has had to see/experience ugly things. I hate knowing these things can/will enter his life again.

I know that the loneliness, fear, memories and guilt will follow me throughout this deployment. But I know I am strong enough to handle it. And every bit of loneliness, fear, bad memories and guilt I will feel is worth it to be married to my best friend.

Make A Wish

The only one left in the backyard.

All Soap

I hate automatic car washes. No seriously, I do. Ask my sister Nickie. I feared them when I was little. Do you remember the ones you would drive into a conveyor and then it would pull you through? Ugh. Hated it.

Every time we would enter one my stomach would turn into knots and I would start to feel really warm. At 33 years old, this still happens. I don't know why. I have  never had a bad car wash experience. The car wash has never come to life and attacked my car. But never the less, this is my life.

I don't fear small spaces. I used to ride the elevators when I was stuck in hospitals for enjoyment. You could stuff me in a closet and it wouldn't bother me (well, maybe a little but if you gave me a book and book light I would be all set!).

I know washing your car is a necessary evil. And living in AK, I am certainly not going to stand out in the cold and wash it by hand.

Not only do I hate car washes, I haven't had the best experiences with the car washes around here. Once someone stole my car wash. They didn't pull all the way out of the bay. They pulled up a bit, tripped the sensor and reversed right back, causing the door to close before I could even pull in. I swear this happened. I had a friend with me and we both just sat there laughing and honestly, cussing the guys actions. Luckily, there was a worker there to get me my free car wash. He said people have started doing it more and more since they learned how to trick the sensors. Who steals car washes!?! Idiots. That's who.

Moving on...I decided to wash the Trailblazer today. It was so dirty that it was getting hard to see out of the side windows. I choose the Laser Wash on Muldoon. I drove up, paid my money and pulled hesitantly into the  bay. I turned up the music and starting singing away bracing myself for when the door would close behind me. Singing helps, sometimes. (I also sometimes close my eyes. It makes me feel like I can control something even if it is only the darkness. I know I am a freak people, how do you not know this about me already!?)

Anyway, I sat there ready for the pain when I realized there was no water. The arm spit soap unto my car and some spotless crap. NO WATER. I had no clue what to do so I pulled out praying the dryer would at least blow off the soap. It worked, a little. I pull back around the get the customer service number off the console where you pay your money. There was a guy getting ready to pay the machine where I had just gone through. I threw the car in park, jumped out of the car and ran at him screaming, "Don't do it!" I can only imagine what this guy thought of me. But once I explained, he was grateful I saved him $10.

I called the customer service number and shocker, no one answered. I had to drive to Eagle River in search of another car wash to get all the soap off.  So $18 later my car is free of soap and still not clean.

I know the car wash is my nemesis. But someday, somehow I will win.

Wordless Wednesday (sort of...)

...even Boone is hooked on McDonald's sweet tea! (Don't worry, Aaron was done drinking it.)

A Computer Fast

This past week I was steering clear of my computer. Our church challenged us to a computer fast. There were really no rules. And before you ask, no they weren't preaching that the computer was the devil.

The point was to take the time that you spend on the computer (doing FaceBook, Twitter or whatever else takes time away from your family) and use that time to spend more time with your family. I know I can really get wrapped up in e-mail some days. I love it! And I get a lot of it! I do have a FaceBook account but staying off was not really a challenge. Come to find out, if I don't read what people are doing during the day, my day is still complete.

It was interesting to see though, how many times I walked downstairs to get onto the computer out of sheer boredom. I would walk down, turn around and walk right back up to the living room. Good exercise I guess.

While this particular exercise didn't prove too hard for me to complete, it made me think of what would be a challenge. I came up with not being able to watch TV or reading. I am ashamed to admit that would be killer for me. I am not so sure I would make it through the week!

Good challenge all around though. I made me realize that maybe I should push myself more often. And not be so brainless about why I do the things I do.

What activity do you think you would miss the most if challenged to a fast?

YIKES!

I don't think I have ever taken this long between posts! But there is good reason, I promise! Aaron and I went back to PA for about 12 days. He hadn't been home in over a year so it was a needed trip. I have lots of pics to share. But right now after the flight yesterday, I just need a nap!

Be back soon....

Who needs a bronco?

When you can ride a bucking salmon! ha ha ha! Only in AK. And yes, it was a lot of fun!

UPS's Claim to Fame in AK

I have seen signs like this around here a lot!

The Magic of AK

See anything interesting about tomorrow? And no, I am not talking about the rain.

Flowers and Mushrooms

Sorry I have been MIA lately! I guess I just haven't been up to anything really fun to report. I have been helping paint the Sunday school rooms at church but that really isn't a photo op! :)

Here is a pic though of the flowers my fantastic husband bought me! He had them sent for my kidney transplant anniversary. It has been three years and I am still really healthy! Praise the Lord!! Some days it feels like my transplant was lifetime ago and other days if feels like it was last month. I know that sounds weird...

Are they not beautiful?! They all can as buds so I got to watch them bloom. This picture was taken when a lot of them hadn't bloomed yet. They were gorgeous!

How is this for random: The other day I went out back and found the smurf village! But don't worry there was no sign of Gargamel.

I hope you all are having a great Labor Day weekend!

Pete's Dragon

Did you guys watch this movie when you were young? I loved it! I remember watching it with my grandfather. I was so excited to see it was released on DVD. I bought it yesterday and I can't wait to watch it again. Anyone for a sing-a-long?

Darkness Falls

In case you are curious, it now gets dark around here at 10:30 pm. It starts getting dark around 9:30 pm. It almost seems like back home! I didn't take a pictures because well...not one wants to see a pic of pitch black. ha ha!

Was my mom nuts?

So, I got a ginormous splinter in the bottom of my foot (The splinter incident of '09 happened a few weeks ago but I forgot to post about it) and I pulled a big piece of it out. Now I know what you are thinking...why was I not wearing shoes outside. Well, this happened inside the house! It is too hard to describe so just focus on a foot, wood and going against the grain.

I managed to pull out a big piece quickly, so I figured I must have gotten most of it out. But my foot continued to be really sore. I even got a sharp pain in my foot when I took a step. I put Neosporine on it and covered it with a band-aid. I can deal with the pain but I didn't want to get an infection.

Well, after a few days I was hoping that the skin would just heal over and the little splinter could live in my foot forever. People have rocks in their arms still from childhood bike rides gone wrong, so I thought leaving the splinter in would be fine. Notsomuch!

I tried digging it out of my foot which only made things worse. I honestly thought it was just a tiny piece that would be no problem. Finally, I starting thinking about when I was little. I remembered that my mom always put drawing salve on stuff like that. So, off to the pharmacy I go. I went to three different stores and they didn't have any. So I talked to three different Pharmacists and they looked at me like I was crazy.

Have any of you heard of drawing salve? Anyone? Or was my mom just nuts and made up some excuse to wipe goo on splinters. You know, making us think that it was helping to make us feel better about it all? Well, the good news is that I found out that my mom wasn't nuts! It may not be in stores anymore but I did find evidence of it's existence on the Internet.

Whatever happened to old school remedies huh? If I could have found some drawing salve I wouldn't have had to rip my foot up and yank out the following:

Like how I used my nail to show scale? I am on it tonight! :) The splinter looked so small to me because I could only see the head of it. The thing was sticking straight down and that is why everytime I stepped I got a pain. I was stabbing myself.

So the splinter is gone. There is no sharp pains when I step. And I know my mom isn't nuts! It is a great day!

Side note: If the sun would stay out, I could go outside and take pics about something interesting and you wouldn't have to hear about my splinters. :)

Pedicures make any day better!

I even managed not to kick the lady in the face. I hate being so ticklish!

23:18 of Heaven

I got to talk to my best friend tonight. There is something about just hearing him say hello that makes my heart race! I can tell by caller ID it is him yet I still wait with anticipation to hear his voice. It is a calming, wonderful voice!

I got to talk to him for 23 mins and 18 seconds. It may not seem to some as a long time but in the military world you never know what you will get. Last deployment we have plenty 10 min conversations because that was the limit.

When I fell in love with him did I ever think that 23 mins and 18 seconds might be all the time we have in a week, no. I cherish every minute we do get to talk on the phone. I like his e-mails too (of course) but nothing will ever replace the shivers I get when I hear him say 'I love you'.

I know that during our 4 1/2 years of marriage, I have taken for granted (at least) 23 mins and 18 seconds of time we have gotten to be together. If I added up the hours and mins that I took for granted that we would always be together or wake up beside each other, I am sure I would hate myself.

That is what is great about deployment. It is a brutal reminder that I should never take any of the time we have to love each other lightly. I should never assume that there will be another opportunity for the snuggles while watching TV, the race to see who can answer the Jeopardy question or the private jokes just between us.

Deployment sucks. There is no tactful way to put it. And being a soldier's wife isn't easy. But I gladly talk to him for 23 mins and 18 seconds on the phone for a few months to be able to love Aaron for the rest of my life.

My Hair: A Series of Misfortunate Events

I decided to get myself out of my funk I should go to the salon. My roots were showing and well I was a bit of a mess. I made this decision as I was walking past the salon on post and noticed no one was in there, so I took this as a good sign that I could be in and out fast. One of the hard things about moving around so much is that you are always looking for new places (i.e. salons, kennels, etc...). Sometimes you can get recommendations but since I know hardly anyone up here I went out on a limb. Big mistake.

Let me start out by saying the lady was perfectly nice. And when I was in there other clients came in and got their haircut. And they looked great! I think my lady was just having a bad day. After two or so hours, I left the place with white hair and brown skunk stripes. Big brown skunk stripes. You may be thinking 'then why did you leave if you didn't like it', well she tried to fix it once and made it worse. I played it off as if it was fine and got the heck out of there. (No, I didn't take a picture but I should have taken one!)

Cut to me calling JC Penny on my way out the door to set up an appointment for the madness to be fixed. I choose JC Penny because I have been to a few of their salons before and never had an issue. So the next day I went in to be transformed back into my former self.

I had a great girl working on my hair that seemed to really know what she was doing. She turned my hair all brown. Yep, that's right, I am a brunette! I have never been a brunette in my life. I have been getting my hair highlighted since high school so I have always hidden it away. And when I was young my hair was white.

Anyway, she turned it brown to start again with the process. The only problem was she didn't want to highlight it again so soon because my hair is brittle since I take a lot of meds from the transplant. So for the past few days I have been a brunette. She was right in saying the color will keep getting lighter. My hair was so white before that the color can't really hold. I go back in a few days to get it all fixed. Although, I kind of like the brunette. It doesn't actually look too bad. But I miss my old self.

Here is the new me, for a couple more days anyway.

The great news of the week is I got to talk to Aaron the other day. He is in country and doing well. He hasn't quite made it to his final destination so he is getting anxious to get moving on his job. We both had a good laugh over my hair. I miss being able to tell him everything everyday! But I am happy he can call/e-mail and we can share our days together. I don't know how the military families of the past did it when they didn't hear from their loved ones hardly at all and letters took forever to arrive. I am so grateful anytime I get to here his voice, even if it is only for 20 minutes.

First Moose in the Neighborhood (this year)

Our neighbor called us over to his house today to show us something in his backyard. Here is what we saw:

This little one was just around the side of the house.

The momma was lying just far enough around the corner of the house into the backyard that we had to go on the deck to see her.

Isn't that so cool? There are moose sleeping/hanging out about 50 yards from our front door. I don't think we will be getting any visitors to our backyard, unless they can scale a fence! Ken (our neighbor) said they tend to come into town with their babies to get away from the bears. They have had them visit their backyard in years past. I really liked seeing the moose. I hope the bears stay far away!

**Update: Ken just called and told us to look out the front door. The moose were up an moving around.

I used no zoom here because I wanted you to see how close he was to our front porch!

I don't think they liked the sound my camera clicks were making!

We Made it!

Well, actually we made it on Sunday but things have been nuts. We got here Sunday afternoon and hit the ground running trying to find a place to live. We had one lined up but when we went to see the place it was great to look at not so great to smell! The previous tenant had a cat and it the smell was so strong I started to get a headache just being in the house for a few minutes.

We went to see a bunch of places before we settled on the last one. We had been praying for a sign from God on which place to pick and to have peace in our decision. How is this for a sign? We now live on Trinity Circle! It is a beautiful place and it is in a very nice neighborhood. We have already met a bunch of the neighbors and they seem very nice too!

We get our household goods on Monday. I can't wait to have our own bed and couch! And the cable/Internet guy comes on Tuesday. I am getting sick of coming to the library to check e-mail. I can't wait to feel connected to the world again!

Well, soon you will be inundated with stories and pictures from our adventure and new life here in Alaska. Keep checking back!

Ode to my Babe

I know it is St. Patrick's Day and not Valentine's Day but I heard this song the other day and fell in love with it! I think the video is pretty cool too.

New Specs

What do you think? (No judgments on my hair. :o) I just got done cleaning the bathroom.) Hopefully by the end of the year, I will be smiling with my mouth open. I can't wait to get these braces off!